Recently, I found myself navigating some turbulent waters in my professional life. Two years ago, I was poised for a significant career milestone. I had worked with dedication and passion, expecting the company to recognize my efforts. But when the moment of truth arrived, the recognition didn’t come my way.

At first, I felt a profound sense of injustice. Living in a society that champions meritocracy, this outcome felt like a betrayal. Even more so because everyone agreed that it was not a normal situation, there were sorry for that, but nobody was able to act on it. I spent the next two years trying to rectify what I perceived as an unfair situation. It consumed me. I became someone I didn’t like—on the edge of burnout and often frustrated.

Reflecting on this period, I realized that bad luck played significant roles in this situation (also a declining company leadership, but we’ll talk about that another day). More importantly, I learned a critical lesson about trust: I used it to mitigate my dependency on luck (or “the unknown” if you prefer) too naively.

I really think trust is the most valuable currency we possess. It’s intangible yet immensely powerful. When you think about it, trusting someone is like handing over a tiny piece of our life, and then relying on them to define a part of our fate. When placed wisely, it can be the foundation of strong relationships and successful endeavors. However, mismanaging trust can lead to significant fallout, as I experienced firsthand.

My mistake was trusting too many things: people, processes, the organization itself. I believed that by placing my trust broadly, I would better secure what I was looking for. Instead, this strategy backfired. I lost control over my own destiny; in the end, it was a throw of the dice, hoping all the trust I had handed over would pay off. And like real currency, if you emit too much trust, it decreases in value, and worth nothing at the end.

Trust brings expectations. When these expectations aren’t met, it can lead to feelings of betrayal and injustice. Learning to manage these expectations is essential for our emotional and mental well-being. One of the most valuable pieces of advice I received was to focus on what I can control; the rest should be considered optional. It took me time to fully understand what this really means. Mainly because I am a team player, and when I am in a team (like a company organization), by default I deploy trust at scale. I equate the effort I put into our mission with the effort my colleagues put in. But for many reasons, it’s not that simple.

Trust is not bidirectional by design. Just because we place our trust in someone doesn’t mean they will reciprocate with the same level of trust. Moreover, our trust in them doesn’t imply that they will overcommit or go beyond their usual efforts. Trust is a personal commitment, and each person handles it differently. We need to be aware that our expectations of others' actions based on our trust might not always align with their perspective or capabilities. Often, this isn’t personal; it’s just a matter of perception and many variables that we don’t see. But still, it can be a good indication that this is not a “good” investment. When trust is bidirectional, it unleashes its power and becomes a very powerful currency. It is a proof of stake: I control a part of your fate, you control a part of mine, and it is a shared faith. This is why in our personal lives, we seek almost exclusively bidirectional trust. Why would I rely on someone who doesn’t care about me or doesn’t commit themselves? In our professional lives, sometimes we don’t have a choice but to rely on one-directional trust; we can’t always choose.

This is why when we delegate through trust, the expectations tied to that delegation should be seen as bonuses, at least in our professional life. They are welcome additions if fulfilled, but not something we should rely on completely. In contrast, expectations that depend on our direct control are more reliable and should be the foundation of our planning and efforts.

And if you are in a position where people need to trust you without necessarily choosing to, such as a manager, please take care of this trust. This is too important. Trust influences more than just the individuals involved; it affects the entire environment. A breakdown in trust can create a toxic atmosphere and cause critical and irreversible damage.

I realize I might sound a bit pessimistic. It can give the impression that we should always be cautious and that defiance should prevail. Don’t get me wrong; this is not what I believe. There is a significant difference between trusting something and having defiance towards it. A neutral stance is fine and, in most cases, is the default situation. It is not binary. The most important thing is to stay in control as much as possible, not relying too much on others, not because of defiance, but because it is simpler to manage in case of unexpected events.

As I prepare to leave the company and embark on a new chapter, I feel responsible for my own situation, even if people failed me. I fell into a trap despite being aware of the risks and after people warned me repeatedly. But this is how we grow: through mistakes and learning. It will certainly help me in the future!